Hi Figs-
I hope all of you are having a great summer, and you're not all wasting
your time training. Slaving away in the summer heat now is going to be the
biggest waste of your lives. Let me tell you guys the best training you could
be doing right now is clapping your bitch ass hands together for an hour a day
because that is the best preperation you guys are going to have for actual game
day. When I am walking up to get a little cash on July 28th you guys aren't
going to stop clapping till I tell you to, so if you don't want really sore
hands, especially the Animal, I suggest you guys practice now. Fuck the FBI.
Black suited chumps who follow me around everywhere to try and understand what
makes this guy tick. Let me tell you, those agents can't run more than 15 miles
a day because they can't keep up with me when I do. Stretching, jumping-jacks,
ten-minute drills, BMX running, indian runs, machine attacks; those FBI bitches
can't keep up with me when I'm doing those, and I know none of you suckers can.
I'll be throwing frisbees farther and more
accurate than any of you punks, and if you even decide to show up to the
Septathlon the best you can do is clear a space on your desk for the first loser
trophy, because I have already cleared a space in my wallet for something none
of you will ever get to handle again, the Mad Figs dollar. There is nothing any
of you can do, so I say to those who are travelling far to get here, just show
up saturday with your clapping hands 'cause that's all any of you are going to
need. Good luck Figs. -IG
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